In Which Mary Sue Becomes Horribly Cliched
by sexy-fleur
Summary: Making fun of Mary Sue in the extreme! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! R/R...lotsa this is funny, I tell you :) Please reveiw! Agghhh!!!


A/N: I hate Mary Sues!!! They are an abomination to the HP fanfiction world!!! They embarrass poor J.K. Rowling who might not even know what you guys do to her characters' innocent lives!!!! I mean, they make Harry and/or Ron and/or Draco fall in love with her, then get all sad when she dies!!! So that is why I have created…

In Which Mary Sue Becomes Horribly Cliched

…a horror fic.

[Copyright sexy-fleur January 2002 - now she's trying to copyright her stuff? What the fuck_!!!!!]_

***

So…it was seventh year. Harry was in seventh year, Ron was in seventh year, Hermione was in seventh year, Draco was in seventh year. Ginny was, by default, in sixth year. (There's nothing like a younger person to spice up the fic!) Harry still loved Cho, who was still avoiding him (and he doesn't know it!). Traumas were still arising between Ron and Hermione. Draco was still being obsessed with Harry and thinking up ways to get him in trouble Harry was still being hopelessly quiet and weird. Ron was still cussing and being weird. Hermione was still studying and - you guessed it - being weird. (And she's a prefect! What a fresh, all-new plot twist!!!)

Harry has defeated Voldie a whopping two more times, has won the Quidditch House Cup two more times, and has won the House Cup two more times. Everything that happens to him is still either _really really good _or _really really bad._

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So our story starts at - you guessed it! yay for my smart readers!!! - the beginning of seventh year! We'll begin right as the Dream Team has boarded the Hogwarts Express…

"So, like, let's start one of our pre-Hogwarts conversations!" said Harry.

"Omg I know! Like let's talk about how _exciting_ and _adventurous_ our summers were!" said Hermione.

"Ehh…?" said Ron.

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Ok, let's skip ahead a bit … they have made it to the Welcoming Feast. They walk into the Great Hall…

The Great Hall was, as usual, decked in brilliantly colored decorations. Up at the teachers' table, Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster, was looking wise and Yoda-like. Professor McGonagall was looking all strict and shit. Professor Snape was wearing his trademark sinister snarl [_Copyright, sinister snarl - some month in 1997 when HP&theSS was introduced in the U.S. and Snape's Sinister Snarl was presented.]_. Obviously, he had missed out on the DADA job _again_ and was really pissed. 

Wait a second…who is that at the end of the table? Why, it's a guy who looks like a mix of Professor Quirrel, Professor Lockhart, Professor Lupin, Professor Moody, and whoever was the DADA professor in Books 5 & 6! He's nervous, famous, old, _and_ ugly! All at the same time! He wears a turban, has golden hair, wears clothes that came straight out of The Adventures of Raggedy Andy, _and_ has a big bulging eye that can see through your clothes and see what sort of socks you're wearing! Like this character description is _sooo new!!! _Do you think he might be…DUN DUN DUNN!!!! *scary twilight zone music* …the new DADA teacher? *audience gasps*

So…Professor Trelawny was looking all misty-eyed. Professor Sprout was…something. And Professor Sinistra and Professor Vector were the same as they always were: inconspicuous, unmentioned, and obsolete. Maybe they'll serve a purpose _some_ day…?

Our happy-go-lucky Gryffindors sit down and chill at their table. Professor McGonagall, still looking all strict and shit, brings out the Sorting Hat and a bunch of kiddies follow…then, the Hat infamously opens its infamous mouth and sings its infamous song:

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I'm the mighty Sorting Hat

I'm pretty cool, you see

Now you might think I'm all dirty and crap

But my mind is big!

I know what house you'd be good in!

I know what traits you possess!

I know everything about you!

Why, I even know if you put on clean underwear this morning!

And you may have noticed that, unlike books 1-6, my poem doesn't rhyme.

But you know what? This is the last book [hence the whole 7th-year concept]

and J.K. decided to take some liberties.

So the sorting goes on…until…DUN DUN DUNNN!!!! *scary twilight zone music* Who is that girl at the end of the line of new 1st years? Why, she's tall and gorgeous and beautiful with big boobs and an enchanting smile! And she's at least 16 years of age! Her name? Why, it's……

**__**

Mary Sue Prescott of Salem School of Witchcraft in the United States of America!!! 

The Main Character has arrived! Yay!!!!!

"Woah," said Harry, "who is that girl? She's our age, yet she's up there and is gonna be sorted!"

"Woah," said Hermione, "maybe she's an exchange student, or she's new here!"

"Woah," said Ron, "take a look at that rack!"

You guessed right, Dream Team! Within seconds, McGonagall (still looking all strict and shit) yelled in her most loudest, deepest, lowest, lesbian-ish voice: "PRESCOTT, MARY SUE JANE ANNA PRISCILLA COURTNEY MARIE!"

Mary Sue with her long flowing blond hair and perfect teeth straight out of a _got milk? _commercial pranced up, sat down, and smiled as the Sorting Hat was put on her head. The Sorting Hat said…..(ooh, I wonder)……."GRYFFINDOR!!!!!!!!"

"Wow," said Harry, "the new girl is in our house!"

"Wow," said Hermione, "she looks so cool!"

"Wow," said Ron, "we have an incredibly hot and sexy chick in Gryffindor now!"

Mary Sue skipped over and sat next to Harry.

"Hi," she said sweetly, "I'm Mary Sue Jane Anna Priscilla Courtney Marie Prescott from the U.S.!"

"I'm - "

"Harry Potter, yes, I know all about you!"

Harry was flattered.

Then, a tinkling of spoon hitting glass rang through the hall. Yoda-Dumbledore stood up, looked around wisely, and said wisely:

"Welcome to another new year. But before we start the Sorting Feast, I'd like to recognize a new student that Hogwarts will be seeing this year - Mary Sue Jane Anna Priscilla Courtney Marie Prescott! She is a 7th-year student from the cleverly-named Salem School of Witchcraft in Massachusetts of the United States! So let's help her feel welcome!"

And that's what they did.

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The End

…_for now!_

A/N: If you liked this, I have lots more chapters coming up…telling how Mary Sue wins the heart of _somebody_ and ends up … DUN DUN DUNNN! …. infamously dying! Like how new of a plot is that?!

Disclaimer: Let's just stop for a second and consider what I'd be doing if I really _had_ created HP… 


End file.
